It can be  very hard to avoid these feelings when society is always overwhelming you with what they think you need. .  We all have feelings like this when we compare what we have to what others have.  Women often  say  “ She’s so much  thinner, prettier, exciting  than me.”  Or “ If I could only loose 10 more pounds…”  I’ve learned in my life that this type of thinking will pull ones spirit down and then one day you find yourself looking at your life and feeling so terribly dissatisfied.   I guard my sprit as my most treasured possession  because I know that this world can take away many things from me but they can never touch my spirit.  I also know that my children need a mother to reflect the attributes I want them to embrace, so  the moment I realize these ungrateful  and resentful feelings within myself, I force myself to stop and think about love.  I know this may sound a bit strange to some but let me explain.   Love knows no price tag.  Love holds no value unless it is given and received.   As I walked around the mall feeling like I deserved more than I was getting, I looked down at my old blue jacket with the ripped blue lining and the milk stains and thought of the moment with my boys when they lovingly brought me a glass of milk and then accidently spilled some on my jacket.  I thought of the week old pretzel that was in my pocket and remembered when the boys were laughing and being silly and one of the pretzels fell on the floor and I picked it up for them and stuck it in my pocket.  Then I thought of the toy fire truck that was in my other pocket and remembered that I had put it in my pocket when I they were fighting and I took it away and put it in my pocket.  Then I started to think about the people in my life and not the things IN my life. This is when I remembered that my life was perfect just the way it was.  As in all things in life, it is a slippery slope to compare your life to others, in any capacity.  We all bring certain talents and beauty to this world that no other person can bring. When we compare these attributes to other, we are never enough. When we have inner peace, there is always enough.  You are always enough.

 ”We are too poor to afford education. But until we have education, we will always be poor.”

Nepalese Headmaster:

I think this spoke to the school teacher in me.  I was filled with so much sadness when I read this.  I think in the United States, some take for granted the wonderful gift of an education.  I had the wonderful privilege to teach a wonderful student, who taught me more that I  taught him.  

For most students in my 7^th grade science school was a complete waste of time and students hated the fact that it was against the law for them to drop out. So  of course, no one was interested in Science. Many of my students in my classes were in street gangs, had drinking problems and many of them had to be escorted to classes by local police officers. I was always amazed as to the lack of interest in education.  Many of my students wanted to escape their lives but had no idea how they were going to do this when all the odds were stacked against them. Many of them wanted to learn, but socially learning was not the “cool” thing to do.  One student comes right to the forefront of my mind.  He always waltzed into my class late, loud and with this attitude that sent my blood pressure through the roof.  This child was not coming into MY classroom disrupting MY classroom acting in this manner. I was very hard on my students.  It wasn’t that I wanted to be mean, but I wanted them to realize their own potienal and take their challenges and turn them into fuel to live a better life.

This student hated me and I didn’t like him very much either. One day I decided I would call this difficult student of mine in to my room to each lunch with me. I wanted to hear his story and try to understand him a little better.  I doubted that he would accept my invitation but to my surprise, he showed up.  We sat down and we talked.   I learned a lot about him in 30 minutes.  He told me that he loved to read but he would get teased on the way home if he was seen with books. So he wore these long baggy pants so that he could stuff books in his pockets. He said that in his family  people don’t want you to be smart. He said his father would tease him when he saw him reading books in his room.  I was completely amazed.   How could this happen in a country that has free education for all?  It is through education that we can learn about ourselves and our purpose on earth.  I told him that  I would make copies of his text book for him if he could would work to bring up his grade to a 70. He agreed.  I started to make   copies of the textbook that he could fold up and slip into his pocket so he could take them home and read his chapters.  He sat in the back of my class with no pencil, paper or textbook in his possession but that child worked hard the second semester .  I could see this in his grades and his work.  He brought up second semester average from a 70 to a 96 .  On the last day of school he came up to me and in his own strange way said Thank you.  I didn’t know what to say back to him all I could think of was “No, thank you.  You just proved to me that despite every odd in your life that is against you, you have so much more going for you.  You just reminded ME of this!  –Thank You!”

Education is a gift you give yourself.  Never take it for granted and always be willing to share it with others like all things in life, this is what it’s all about!  Be good and kind

 On my birthday my parents told me that they had my gift  outside in the back yard. I knew exactly what this was and so I darted out the back door and there was my bike, except it wasn’t the bike that I thought it would be. This one was pink, old and worn with age.  I was so disappointed.  I think I hurt my parents feelings because I could see the disappointment in their faces and Im sure they could see the disappointment in mine. I got on the squeaky old bike and I rode the bike feeling badly that I had made my parents feel this way.  So I put on a smile, rode as fast as I could and never looked back.

  My parents gave me something much more that day than just a rusty old bike.  My parents gave me a life lesson about love.  When you give something out of love, it doesn’t matter what it actually is, what matters is the love that is behind it.  I knew this bike had love behind it. I could see it in their eyes when they gave it to me.  So as the gift of giving thrives this time of year, I like to remember that story because I know that giving a gift is not about money, CDs or stocking stuffers.  It’s about sitting back one day and saying “Thank you mom and dad for my rusty old bike, that was exactly what I needed!!”

This week has been a busy week full of packing lunches, laundry and many other endless household chores.    It is so easy to lose oneself in the busy aspect of life.  This week was a particularly challenging week because my husband was away on business and I had mom and dad duties all week.  I think I realized how stressed I had gotten when I was  on my way to drop off my son  at school and  grabbed my keys, cell phone and my sons backpack then shut the door and realized my son was still inside putting on his shoes.   I heard this little voice in the background “mom, Im still in here!”  I couldn’t help but laugh.  

We get caught up in going and not on being.  This is one of my personal challenges.  Women are the worse at nourishing the soul.  Mothers are often times taking care of everyone else and never take time to simply let things be and enjoy the moment.  I often feel this way.  A mother  is the last person to sit down to eat , usually  the first person out of bed and  always taking care of everyone but herself.  Women also internalize many problems and we do not have a way to release or let go.    Have a restful week!

This is a place where my thoughts and views about my journey can spill out to help others who may also have similar problems in thier lives.  Living a life of meaning is the meaning behind life.   I am here to help you find your meaning by sharing my life with you.